Christmas Smiles

by Susan Farr-Fahncke

I plowed through the to-do list, not with my usual enthusiasm and sense of joy, but with a sense of "hurry up and get it done", something to cross off so it felt like I had accomplished something, anything. I knew my sense of gloom was stemming from constant fatigue, raising children, three jobs, a house to run, two holiday-time birthdays in our home...just more than ever to do and less energy to do it with. But I really wanted to feel the Christmas spirit that I usually did. I wanted this time to be magical for my children, not for them to feel my stress and let it ruin such a wonderful time. My nightly prayers quickly became nothing more than a simple plea for me to overcome this perpetual crankiness, followed by my falling asleep before I even got to "amen". The knowledge of this too added to my sense of always falling behind.

Shopping with my youngest son, who is deaf, brought the simplest solution, one that had never even occurred to me and yet was the exact healing my spirit needed.

Starting off with my massive list of Christmas shopping and with Christmas looming near, I could feel the rest of the to-do list still nagging the back of my brain. I left the house without my smile and the beginnings of grumpy sneaking in already. My little Noah, who has never felt a bad mood in his life, skipped ahead of me to the car, his energy and love for life apparent in all that he does.

I headed onto the freeway, and immediately the car in the lane I was merging into sped up, trying to get past me before I could get on the freeway. Irritated, I veered to the shoulder, slowing down and waiting for the room to merge. The car suddenly moved over to the next lane, giving me the room I needed. Surprised, I glanced over and the driver, and was even more surprised to see him smile broadly and wave. Belatedly, I smiled back and no one saw it but Noah, in the backseat.

"Why are you smiling?" Noah asked me in sign language. Being deaf, he watches my face closely at all times.

I realized how seldom I must be smiling for my little guy to ask me WHY I am doing it now. Embarrassed and mad at myself, I told him I was smiling because he makes me happy. A tiny white lie, but by now this was the true reason for my smile.

Next stop was the off-ramp and the mall exit. Always crowded, I knew today would be worse than normal. I pulled off and waited in the long line to get off the exit ramp. I happened to glance over the same time the man in the car next to me happened to glance at me. Instead of the scowl I usually saw on my fellow drivers' faces, this man shot me a smile, warm and genuine. I instantly felt my own spread across my face and grinned right back at him. Wow, two complete strangers in the middle of holiday traffic, being kind and friendly. What do you know!

I found my smile more at the ready and myself more willing to pass it on. I was surprised at how much better it made my day, how it also seemed to change others' stressed out holiday faces into cheerful Christmas smiles. Funny how it works that way. Good or bad, moods have a way of creating the ripple effect.

On the way home from our errands, I caught great big grins in a car load of ladies' faces. I smiled back and reflected how happy everyone seemed all of a sudden. Day after day I have been seeing cranky, tired, stressed-out people, trying to catch up with Christmas - myself included, and all of a sudden, the world seems happy, almost joyful. We passed another car and a little girl waved and smiled, her mother laughing with holiday cheer.

Wondering at this happy epidemic, I happened to glance in my rear view mirror and catch a glimpse of a red Santa hat, and a little waving hand…coming from my backseat.

Cranking my mirror down lower, I caught the culprit. Noah sat happily, Santa hat screaming holiday spirit, his grin and wave passing on Christmas cheer to anyone who would look. Having that dimpled, truly joyful grin directed at me, I wondered at how I could ever live a day without bubbling over in gratitude. I signed “I love you” over my shoulder to him and his little hand formed the shape “I love you” right back to me. My heart caught and my eyes filled. Who could want for more?

Laughing at my little miracle-maker, I wondered how many people had been affected by his smile and contagious grin. How many people found themselves smiling at their families tonight, or the store clerks and other drivers, all because the little boy in the Santa hat smiled at them? The power of one wee little smile can create more change than all the Christmas presents in the world. Undserneath it all, we are each the same. No matter what challenges we face in life, we all have them, and yet we all possess the same universal instant happy-maker; a smile. My Noah is a constant reminder of all that is good in the world and in each of us.

I drove home, resolving to savor this feeling and let Noah's smile stay in my heart, and hoping I was not the only one whose Christmas smile was found again.

Susan and her family live in Kansas, where they moved last year so Noah could attend the best deaf school in America! She is mom to Nick, Maya, Noah, Ian, and step-mom (udder mudder) to Brandie. Her children's ages range from two to twenty! She is the founder of the volunteer group, Angels2TheHeart.com, who send "happy mail" to critically ill people. Her writing has been published in hundreds of books, magazines and inspirational web sites. Her favorite writing topic is on being a mom - especially Noah's mom. Her web site at 2TheHeart.com features many "Noah stories" and you can see more of her work or submit an inspirational story of your own there. If you would like to learn sign language or more about deafness, Susan will be happy to direct you to web sites and groups. Please feel free to contact her at susanf@soulsupporter.com