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Featured Contributor Susan Farr-Fahncke
Ideas Wanted
by Susan Farr-Fahncke
One of the hardest things I have had to face as the parent of a special needs kid is the loneliness I see in my son. Nothing tears my heart up quite like the look on his face when he sees the other boys in the neighborhood outside, tossing a football, bike riding together, doing just "normal" kid things. I have taken to closing the blinds and keeping my sweet son inside so that he doesn't have to feel left out. But he's nine now - he knows what's out there.
We have endless cool activities in our house - air hockey, nerf dart tag, video and computer games, a big-screen TV, all the bells and whistles a kid could want. Except friends. Noah has friends at his deaf school, but we are new to Kansas and getting to know the other families is slow going. I worry about his loneliness. I worry about his self-esteem at knowing the hearing kids don't want to play with the deaf kid. It shreds my insides and I think hurts me even more than it does him.
I have held him when he cries and have tried my best to comfort him. I have prayed for him and talked to him about how families are really the ones who are there when it counts. I have vowed to always be his best friend, and pointed out how many people love him. He has four siblings, two parents, and eight grandparents (some by blood, some by marriage and some by their own definitive choosing.) And yet I know it's not the same. At his age, it's important to be one of the gang, to have someone to laugh with, confide in, to be your buddy.
We actually moved to Kansas from Utah so that Noah could attend a bigger, more educationally strong deaf school. But most of the families live in different counties, out in the country and are spread out by miles. Many of them stay at the dorm during the week and only see their parents on the weekends, so hanging out with other kids is difficult. At a recent parent meeting, we were all discussing the loneliness and boredom that come on the weekends and after school.
We came up with the idea of having get-togethers at least once a month. We have planned bowling, video parties, mini golf - just whatever we can do as a group of families. It's a good opportunity to grow closer as parents of deaf kids and let our kids have someone to hang out with. Even though it's only once a month, these activities are eagerly anticipated and I hope to incorporate more frequent get-togethers into our schedules. Maybe additional once a month visits to each other's houses would work.
I would like to know how other parents deal with this very painful issue of the isolation that comes with being "different" and would love to share your ideas in my column next week. Please email me your thoughts and ideas and hopefully we can learn from one another and build a network of friends, understanding and help each other deal with the various issues that come from raising special needs kids. I look forward to getting to know you!
by Susan Farr-Fahncke
One of the hardest things I have had to face as the parent of a special needs kid is the loneliness I see in my son. Nothing tears my heart up quite like the look on his face when he sees the other boys in the neighborhood outside, tossing a football, bike riding together, doing just "normal" kid things. I have taken to closing the blinds and keeping my sweet son inside so that he doesn't have to feel left out. But he's nine now - he knows what's out there.
We have endless cool activities in our house - air hockey, nerf dart tag, video and computer games, a big-screen TV, all the bells and whistles a kid could want. Except friends. Noah has friends at his deaf school, but we are new to Kansas and getting to know the other families is slow going. I worry about his loneliness. I worry about his self-esteem at knowing the hearing kids don't want to play with the deaf kid. It shreds my insides and I think hurts me even more than it does him.
I have held him when he cries and have tried my best to comfort him. I have prayed for him and talked to him about how families are really the ones who are there when it counts. I have vowed to always be his best friend, and pointed out how many people love him. He has four siblings, two parents, and eight grandparents (some by blood, some by marriage and some by their own definitive choosing.) And yet I know it's not the same. At his age, it's important to be one of the gang, to have someone to laugh with, confide in, to be your buddy.
We actually moved to Kansas from Utah so that Noah could attend a bigger, more educationally strong deaf school. But most of the families live in different counties, out in the country and are spread out by miles. Many of them stay at the dorm during the week and only see their parents on the weekends, so hanging out with other kids is difficult. At a recent parent meeting, we were all discussing the loneliness and boredom that come on the weekends and after school.
We came up with the idea of having get-togethers at least once a month. We have planned bowling, video parties, mini golf - just whatever we can do as a group of families. It's a good opportunity to grow closer as parents of deaf kids and let our kids have someone to hang out with. Even though it's only once a month, these activities are eagerly anticipated and I hope to incorporate more frequent get-togethers into our schedules. Maybe additional once a month visits to each other's houses would work.
I would like to know how other parents deal with this very painful issue of the isolation that comes with being "different" and would love to share your ideas in my column next week. Please email me your thoughts and ideas and hopefully we can learn from one another and build a network of friends, understanding and help each other deal with the various issues that come from raising special needs kids. I look forward to getting to know you!
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Susan and her family live in Kansas, where they moved last year so Noah could attend the best deaf school in America! She is mom to Nick, Maya, Noah, Ian, and step-mom (udder mudder) to Brandie. Her children's ages range from two to twenty! She is the founder of the volunteer group, Angels2TheHeart.com, who send "happy mail" to critically ill people.
Her writing has been published in hundreds of books, magazines and inspirational web sites. Her favorite writing topic is on being a mom - especially Noah's mom. Her web site at 2TheHeart.com features many "Noah stories" and you can see more of her work or submit an inspirational story of your own there. If you would like to learn sign language or more about deafness, Susan will be happy to direct you to web sites and groups. Please feel free to contact her at susanf@soulsupporter.com |
Other Stories from Susan:
Noah's Silent World
Deaf. Deaf. Deaf. I held my tiny son in my arms and the
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