I'll Never Catch The Boys

by Kimberly Jensen

It was a Wednesday evening and we had just finished a Court of Honor for my 12-year-old son Clayton. The Boy Scout event was held at a local church and my oldest son was awarded many merit badges that he had been working diligently on with his troop.

As usual, my youngest son Bennett was in attendance with me. Something peaks Bennett's senses when he walks into the church. I don't know if it is the circular hallway or the fluorescent lights, the smell of Boy Scout badges or if it is the Spirit of God but something revs him up to high the minute we walk into the church. He immediately flips off his shoes and socks and begs to run the outer hallway until his face is red and sweat is dripping from his brow.

I've learned to keep Bennett tame by bringing a bag full of Legos. They will keep him interested for just about an hour before he remembers the hallway and he begins begging his older brother to run it with him. Clayton is now too cool now to run with his little brother and begs him off as he heads down the hallway with his scout mates to the gym. Bennett realizes his big brother has just deserted him so he follows the boys into the gym where they have started a game of keep away football.

The bigger boys are throwing the ball in some sort of football tag-type game. Bennett joins the group and runs back and forth trying to get the ball. He dives at their feet, their stomachs and their heads, but they are too quick for him and he ends up in a heap on the gym floor. He stays there for a moment and pouts before getting to his feet and going after the big boys one more time.

Finally he wrestles the ball from one of the boys and at full speed heads for the exit and the circular hallway. The boys en masse follow Bennett as he screams in delight at the chase. I marvel at his creativity and how he has figured out how to get his big brother to chase him once again.

The big boys tackle Bennett and wrestle the football out his hands and head back to the gym to resume their game. Bennett heads right back into the game, diving, running and tackling in an attempt to get the ball one more time. But the boys were too quick and big for him so Bennett gave up, headed to the car and hung his head in defeat.

"I'll never catch the boys," he said as he slipped into the backseat and buckled his seatbelt.

"Sure you will. They are just bigger than you. Don't worry, you'll catch them," I said.

That single statement, I'll never catch the boys was such a profound statement to make at a time in his life when many of his abilities are so far behind most of the boys his age. I was just hoping he would never notice, but I know he does.

Bennett is nine years old and has autism. He struggles to fit into what the world expects of him. He struggles to communicate, socialize and perform academics on his grade level. He has fallen far below his peers in many areas and each year the gap widens. So when my little boy made the statement that he would never catch the boys, I thought yeah, I used to think that too.

I remember asking the doctors on the day of his diagnosis if he would ever catch up. They looked up at us and tried to explain how the charts and graphs worked and what could be expected of a child with autism, but then their words trailed off and we sat in silence. I was smart enough to figure out that their silence meant no.

That was when Bennett was three years old. We've had six years to concern ourselves with helping him catch up or make him act, what others call normal.

I'm older now too and I hope I've become wiser as well. I find myself less concerned with him "catching up." So when I tell him not to worry and that one day he will catch them I don't mean in a game of football or on a math test, or any other "human" test but that he will far surpass those other boys, and most adults on the "being" scale, being Bennett.

Kimberly Jensen was born and raised in Sandy, Utah and graduated from the University of Utah in 1991 with a B.S. in Communication. She worked as a radio news anchor for KBOI/KQFC and as a public relations specialist for the Idaho Transportation Department in Boise, Idaho. Kimberly and her family moved to Battle Ground, Washington in 2001 where she became a full time mom and writer. Her first children's book, Always the Elf by Cedar Fort Publishing came out in Fall 2007. Two of her stories have been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Children With Special Needs. She is an avid cyclist and loves spending time with her family and taking them on outdoor adventures. She now lives in Utah with her husband Mark, her three children; Tasia, Clayton and Bennett and her two dogs Simba and Ruby.