Doing My Best!

by Jennifer Graham

As I work with families whose kids are transitioning from special education to adulthood and life in the community, I offer them tips on being effective advocates. "Speak up!" I tell them. "Pursue the dream! Ask for supports and services - if you don't ask, you won't get them!"

Last week, I added another tip - one that's even more important as our kids become adults, I believe. "Teach your kids to speak up for themselves!" Self-advocacy is critical when our young adult children are working and living in our communities, interacting with co-workers, customers and the myriad of folks they will encounter each day.

I added this as one of my top-ten tips after watching a scenario unfold while Mark was doing his best to help a customer. What happened upset me - and him. I couldn't intervene to help him; he was at work, doing his job, and it would have embarrassed him if I had spoken up. He needed to speak for himself.

Mark works in the deli of a grocery store, but each Tuesday he bags and carts for customers. As I waited to pick him up at the end of his shift, I could see that he was bagging a large order. After nearly ten minutes, he and the customer came out of the store with two carts overloaded with bags of groceries. She was rushing ahead of Mark, pushing her cart across the lot, clearly in a big hurry. Mark was struggling to push his overloaded cart through the lot just as quickly, but, fact is, he just can't go that fast!

I waited as he loaded her car, clocked out and, nearly twenty minutes after the end of his shift, got into our car. "How'd it go?" I asked. "Not so good, Mom," Mark answered. "She was mad at me. She said she was late for something and I wasn't helping her fast enough."

I wasn't surprised; her body language was screaming stress and crankiness when she walked past me.

Mark felt bad and worried that he hadn't done his job well, that he'd let her and his manager down.

And this is what I hope we can all instill in our kids: "You're doing great! When someone is cranky and complains, you need to look them in the eye, stand up straight, and say, 'I'm doing the best I can to help you.'"

When our teenagers respectfully speak up for themselves, they will be seen as dignified individuals working hard to meet the demands of their job and to serve their customers to the best of their ability. I'm guessing that cranky soccer mom would have slowed down for a moment to thank Mark for a job well done if he had spoken up for himself.

Patience and courtesy are rare these days. But anyone working to do their best deserves respect, thanks and recognition for a job well done. The most important voice of appreciation and acknowledgment is our own. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it."

Jennifer M. Graham, mother of four unique kids, has written about the inspiring abilities of individuals with intellectual disabilities for twenty years. Her articles have appeared in national and regional magazines, and the anthology, You Will Dream New Dreams. She is the founder of onTRACK Transition Advisors and coaches parents and professionals on navigating the transition maze from special education to adult life in the community. For more information, visit www.getontrack.us. Contact her at jenniferg@soulsupporter.com.