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Featured Contributor Jennifer Graham
Summer's End
by Jennifer Graham
Summer's end always leaves me feeling a little blue. I love my garden, trips to the shore and, mostly, I love having my kids at home more. Emily, 26, is out on her own but lives close enough to visit once a week; Carolyn, 19, is back at college; and David, 17, is a junior in high school. Mark, 22, graduated from special education in 2006. He's been working part-time at two jobs in our community since then. And there's the irony - the kid I have at home the most is home too much. He talks about living in his own apartment and having his own sandwich shop on the Boardwalk someday. We're working on making those dreams come true.
Transitioning from years of structured school days to life after graduation impacts the entire family. I hear from frustrated, angry, confused, and sometimes depressed parents who struggle to fill their young adult children's lives with fulfilling activities - to fulfill their simplest dreams. Typically, if our kids do find work in the community, the hours are fewer than 20/week and the work is often menial and tiring. Hours at home are usually spent watching TV unless their parent or caregiver organizes volunteer experiences, chores around the house and assigns time to read or practice math.
I work from home and I've tried to get Mark to read and do money math problems instead of watching reruns of Seventh Heaven. But as soon as I get back to my work, he's back to the TV. In our county, he's one of the lucky ones. He works about 16 hours a week, 4 days a week and likes his jobs. But even with his job coach, his dad and me advocating for more hours at work and a little more responsibility, his managers say they just can't budget in the hours. And I wonder - is that really the case? Especially when the store has signs everywhere advertising for part-time positions available now!
In the past few weeks, some of you have shared your dreams and ideas about work your adult children want to do and where they'd like to live. Ruth in Pennsylvania wrote about the "mountains of decisions and choices ahead of us if we are to truly optimize Danny's potential." Danny and his family love farming and their dream is to operate a small farm someday, with Danny working alongside his mom, sister and brother-in-law.
Laurie in Oregon wrote about her son Seth and an innovative residential setting she and her friends have created for their adult children. I've come to know this model as a "microboard" or self-directed supports corporation - a non-profit set up by parents who hire and manage the support staff needed to help their children live nearly independently in the community. It's a popular model in Florida, Michigan and Tennessee, and getting noticed in other states, including Pennsylvania. Learn more at http://www.ucp.org/ucp_channeldoc.cfm/1/16/10527/10527-10527/2614.
We all have dreams for our kids. And we parents have always used creative thinking and advocacy to make those dreams come true.
Keep dreaming. But, more importantly, ask for help. Danny should have the opportunity to work on his family farm. Ruth is already researching grants from the Dept. of Agriculture. Contacting her local ARC and several adult provider agencies to ask who can help them are also good strategies. Seth and his friends will be good neighbors, teaching their community about determination and independence; Laurie has already contacted HUD and joined an organized independent living group to advise the young adults and their folks. Mark's job in the deli will give him skills toward reaching his dream, and we are researching successful small businesses operated by persons with disabilities.
We've gotta believe in all these dreams 'cause if we don't believe - and work as informed advocates for our adult children - their dreams won't become their reality!
by Jennifer Graham
Summer's end always leaves me feeling a little blue. I love my garden, trips to the shore and, mostly, I love having my kids at home more. Emily, 26, is out on her own but lives close enough to visit once a week; Carolyn, 19, is back at college; and David, 17, is a junior in high school. Mark, 22, graduated from special education in 2006. He's been working part-time at two jobs in our community since then. And there's the irony - the kid I have at home the most is home too much. He talks about living in his own apartment and having his own sandwich shop on the Boardwalk someday. We're working on making those dreams come true.
Transitioning from years of structured school days to life after graduation impacts the entire family. I hear from frustrated, angry, confused, and sometimes depressed parents who struggle to fill their young adult children's lives with fulfilling activities - to fulfill their simplest dreams. Typically, if our kids do find work in the community, the hours are fewer than 20/week and the work is often menial and tiring. Hours at home are usually spent watching TV unless their parent or caregiver organizes volunteer experiences, chores around the house and assigns time to read or practice math.
I work from home and I've tried to get Mark to read and do money math problems instead of watching reruns of Seventh Heaven. But as soon as I get back to my work, he's back to the TV. In our county, he's one of the lucky ones. He works about 16 hours a week, 4 days a week and likes his jobs. But even with his job coach, his dad and me advocating for more hours at work and a little more responsibility, his managers say they just can't budget in the hours. And I wonder - is that really the case? Especially when the store has signs everywhere advertising for part-time positions available now!
In the past few weeks, some of you have shared your dreams and ideas about work your adult children want to do and where they'd like to live. Ruth in Pennsylvania wrote about the "mountains of decisions and choices ahead of us if we are to truly optimize Danny's potential." Danny and his family love farming and their dream is to operate a small farm someday, with Danny working alongside his mom, sister and brother-in-law.
Laurie in Oregon wrote about her son Seth and an innovative residential setting she and her friends have created for their adult children. I've come to know this model as a "microboard" or self-directed supports corporation - a non-profit set up by parents who hire and manage the support staff needed to help their children live nearly independently in the community. It's a popular model in Florida, Michigan and Tennessee, and getting noticed in other states, including Pennsylvania. Learn more at http://www.ucp.org/ucp_channeldoc.cfm/1/16/10527/10527-10527/2614.
We all have dreams for our kids. And we parents have always used creative thinking and advocacy to make those dreams come true.
Keep dreaming. But, more importantly, ask for help. Danny should have the opportunity to work on his family farm. Ruth is already researching grants from the Dept. of Agriculture. Contacting her local ARC and several adult provider agencies to ask who can help them are also good strategies. Seth and his friends will be good neighbors, teaching their community about determination and independence; Laurie has already contacted HUD and joined an organized independent living group to advise the young adults and their folks. Mark's job in the deli will give him skills toward reaching his dream, and we are researching successful small businesses operated by persons with disabilities.
We've gotta believe in all these dreams 'cause if we don't believe - and work as informed advocates for our adult children - their dreams won't become their reality!
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Jennifer M. Graham, mother of four unique kids, has written about the inspiring abilities of individuals with intellectual disabilities for twenty years. Her articles have appeared in national and regional magazines, and the anthology, You Will Dream New Dreams. She is the founder of onTRACK Transition Advisors and coaches parents and professionals on navigating the transition maze from special education to adult life in the community. Contact her at jenniferg@soulsupporter.com. |
Other Stories from Jennifer:
The Kind of Soul Support
We All Need!
Ever since my son Mark was a baby, I've been aware of a mystical bond among parents of children with disabilities.
read more...